Big One

Yes the weekend was a big one.

Friday arvo Kel came over for a bit of pool and a bit of Flight of the Concords. I was steadily dominating him in pool so he thought he would try and put me off my game by 'raising the stakes' or more accurately, making some stakes. I wasnt keen on money so i said whoever wins got a beer bought for them. I won the game convincingly and offered Kelly a rematch with, not double or nothing, but double or flip, just to tempt him. He said, and i quote, "I've never walked away from a challenge".

Needless to say he lost and owed me two beers that night.

My parents and i got to the Vasse at about 8, and Kel got there with Morgs around 9, and Garreth not long after. It was pretty quiet at first, but it warmed up around 10 when all the young crew came in. I made my first horse-racing bet, but lost embarrassingly, but lucky it was Dads shout. He won it back two races later. We got a Jager-Bomb before they stopped doing it, which was hell good cos i didnt have to buy as it was my Bday sorta, and they are hella expensive.

At 11 they shut and we slowly made our way to the Nard, stopping to have a tandem piss of course. They let me, and more importantly Kelly, in without checking IDs. Maybe cos he looks like a redheaded Wolverine, who knows. It was way more hardcore there, and there were a few fights around closing time. It was still good but, and Schutsy was working behind the bar so me and Kel got pints for the price of middies. Except he gave us guiness which tastes like it looks - like boar water. Then some dude i knew from East Perth was there and recognised me, which sucked in the end cos he starting kissing me on the cheeks and squeezing my ass, so i learnt to avoid him pretty quick. Even Kelly got a kiss from him, which i think Kel enjoyed. It was about 2 when we got home, thanks to Morgies Mum.

Then Saturday i watched Wanderers their 15's GF. Pretty good game, they only won by 8 points. After that i had work, but i managed to sneak off at 9.30pm without signing off so i didnt risk getting kept behind for polishing. It was a signature Brock move, deviously sneaky. Got to Rob's (Seia, hell good soccer player dude) going away party in Carbanup. Pretty good, knew a few people which helped.

Then Sunday went with Pagey to watch him play league, where Busso won over Souths, but Ressies lost in their earlier game at a different ground. They are both in the Prelim this coming weekend.

And that was my weekend.

End of the Week

The weekend was pretty uneventful it must be said. Friday night Kel came over and we watched the footy over a couple of beers, while i dominated him in pool. As always. And i teased him about being a fan of Jason Mraz. I mean everyone is, but only the punces make it public!

On Saturday i placed a wager on Collingwood to win by less than 20 points but being such a dismal team, they let me down. Thats $5 ill never see again.

I went and watched the 17's Preliminary final against Dunsborough but they had too many options in attack and went on to win by a few goals. Mike Robbins proved again how much of a champion he is.

Then that night i had the pleasure of working at Abbey for the GMAS Ball. I was expecting it to be for the students but i got a hell big surprise when i got there and it was all adults. Apparently they were raising money for the school or whatever. Anyway it was a better function than most, cause i knew plenty of the people there like Dog and Julie Kelly, as well as Brad and Donna Fraser, and even Sam Rix was there for some reason. They had unlimited alcohol provided so most of them were pretty sloshed by the time they got their main meals. Its fun watching parents drunk.

I didnt really know what i was doing so i just tried to walk around and look like i did. Then i went over to the bar under the false pretense of needing a Lemon Lime and Bitters made for a customer but there was a disturbance there. Apparently some lady had come down to the bar like a minute earlier to tell Adam the barman that there was a 'domestic disturbance' (which is the proper term for some dude is bashing his woman) in the room above her. There was heaps of arguing and the cops got called in to sort that shit out.

Apart from that the night went smooth as, except for when i had to stand at the door as everyone left so they didnt take alcohol out of the premises. Everyone was trying all these sneaky mover but i wouldnt have any of it.

Yesterday the Reserves and League played in their finals at Hands oval. Reserves won in a thriller against Scary Park where they were protecting a 2 goal advantage against a 3 goal breeze to win by a goal. League did hell good up to half time to only be 2 points behind HBL at half time but then they dropped and lost be 5 i think.

Anyway, thats all for now, i will let you if anything exciting happens over the next couple of days but im not expecting it to.

Im off.

More.

Here is another handful of Demotivators cos i have a day off work. I am running very short of photos of people we know unfortunately so until i get my hand on some more that will probably be it for a while.




If anyone has any photos with some good content, and Yes that includes you Sue ( i know you still have that photos of Jarryd hugging Brock naked) please send them to trom@aapt.net.au.

Thats all folks

P.S. Six more days...

Kelly: Superstar

You know our big red friend? No, not Clifford the Big Red Dog, i mean Kelly.

Well, he's copped a wee bit of media attention from his stirring efforts in the weekend's game against Souths. This coincides with a new-found ability of mine: scanning. So here is a couple of pics and articles from today's Mail:

Haha 'Duthie's Duty'.... What a tagline. He looks like he's on the crapper haha.
This was on the back page. What a superstar!! I think the two out of three is how many kicks Kelly did that went out of bounds on the full.... Or it could be two out of the three sides winning, who knows?

I have some more scans but they take too long to load and my beaver brother is having a cry about me taking so long. Friggen wuss.

Let me know what you think about the snaps of Clifford, you know where (in the comments).

Im off like Kelly's chain...

PS. Click on the photos and they enlarge... see if Kelly has a Haselby going on!

Its been decided...

Yes, it's been decided which AFL players resemble three of your favourite boys the greatest. Here are the results:Brock most closely resembled Dale Thomas with a 46% majority. You can clearly see the resemblance in this completely unaltered photo.
Jarryd Kelly was the toughest to pigeon-hole, with Capper edging out Strauchanie with one vote. I think it was a very good choice, judging by how similar they look in the above photo.


Kelly Duthie was overwhelmingly crowned Cameron Ling in the pool, with a comprehensive 91% of votes going Ling's way. And too right too, look how much Ling looks like Kelly in the action shot above?

I would like to thank you all for voting, and if anyone has any ideas for the next Lambda Boys poll, please, let me know.

It's been a pleasure.

Faggy Name

I was just thinknig tonight about how weird it is that im gonna have to get used to calling our biggest friend by his new name: Brock Jeffery-Monck. And the longer i said it over and over in my head, the weirder and gayer it sounds. Now it just sounds gay.

Come to think of it, its a disgrace. Why should i have to learn his name all over again? I have to learn how to feel comfortable calling him Jeffery-Monck, like its normal to me. You know, this is specifically why i have male friends, so i wont have to remember their new names when they get married. Cos obviously the unlucky women will have to takes theirs.

It was like my Grade 6 teacher, Miss Twaddle. Awesome name, i can see why she got married. But seriously, i was so used to calling her that, that when she became Mrs Christie, it took me the best part of a semester to get used to the change. Awkward. The only cool part i can remember is when she decided to reenact the wedding at an assembly so all the kids could see it. She actually put the dress on and all, but her husband had work so they just got the year 4 teacher Mr Mills to act as the groom. Which was weird, cos all the younger ones actually thought they were married for a while. Bless them.

Not only will this change the way i remember his name, but dont you think its a little gay? Having a three-worded name, or as i like to call it, Trinamous. So Brock is a Trinamer now. How self-absorbed, or pretentious, he must be to become a Trinamer. Think about - Anna Nicole-Smith, Samuel L Jackson, George W Bush, Courtney Cox-Arquette, Lewis Roberts-Thompson - these people think they are such hot shit, so special they deserve an extra name?

Brock Jeffery-Monck. Next we will be asked to call him 'Your Highness' aswell!

Buts thats okay, I'll get used to it. I got used to Kelly being gay after he came out of the closet, so this should be a piece of cake.

Sorry its tuesday

Well the football on the weekend is nothing to crow about. We lost all three games, and nothing really memorable happened. Except Pagey getting knocked 'the fuck out'. Man he went down like a sack of shit.

Kelly, in his first game back, did pretty good. He earnt 4th best on, but he looked a little fatigued the whole game. Probably due to his awesome fast food diet.

Saturday night was good too, no Chris Masten though. Awwww. But seriously, it was way lamer than last week cos they had security and shit loads of ppl werent allowed in so there was hardly any D-Floor to speak of. Weak.

Just thought I'd give a general update on Busselton. Having Kelly back was short lived, he's gone to Albany with Morgs for a week. Mulks are settling in nicely apparently, with Tom saying 'it is the time of his life'! Sounds good. Not. Cos im not there.

Went to see the eagles play at Subi with Cockers on the weekend, and it was so worth it! 4th win for the season, Hell Yeah! McKinley raped, kicked 7, he's probably even better than Travis Cloke already.

Getting my Uni accomodation set up, its pretty nit-picky. Like i need passport sized photos, and references and shit. I mean, who can really be bothered? But a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do, and even though im not a man yet, i gotta do it. Speaking of, its only a month and 6 dyas left til i am a man (18 years old) so definitely write that in your calenders.

I better get msgs and presents.

Anyways, peace

Im off like the 100m sprinters (olympic special)

alexxx

Which Footballer?

Which footballer is Jarryd Kelly? Is he the AFL chunkiest player, Stuart 'Schmoo' Dew? Or is he ex-player, tool, and blonde-locked bitch Warwick 'Pinnie' Capper (who, like Jarryd, doesnt mind showing a bit of ass), or crowd favourite Bryan 'Strauchanie' Strauchan, fat and blonde?



Which player is Brock Jeffery-Monck? The choices are Dale 'Daisy' Thomas (because of his girly bleached hair), Steve 'Devolution" Johnson (because he is the dopiest looking player) and Quinten 'Bruhn' Lynch (Cos he is all brawn and no brain).




Which footballer is Kelly Duthie? The three candidates are, in order, Matthew 'Master' Bate, Cameron 'The Pink Pig' Ling and Adam 'Ah' Cooney. They were selected based on the criteria that they are all fireminges obviously.

Leave some comments or vote on the poll. And if you leave a comment, gives reasons for your choice please, it will be much appreciated in deciding... Which footballer are you?

Im off like Jarryd's pants at any opportunity,

XxX Ale

Kelly's Bio...

Kelly was born into the paradise town Busselton. But before he had a chance to experience true paradise, some thing went horribly wrong. His family packed up and moved to the ghastly and far removed ghost town called Capel when he was 1. Noone knew what happened at the time, but it came out over the following years.

Kelly had been enjoying his 1st birthday when, just as Bella looked away, he slipped out of Misty's cat-door and into the back yard. He toddled over to his father Johnny's fruit and veggie patch, where Duthie Senior had been experimenting on some mandarins. Kelly being curious and drawn to the orange colour, crawled over and took one bite. Bella came screaming out of the kitchen - but too late. Kelly suffered a super-allergic reaction which altered his chemical makeup forever, and nearly killed him. His hair turned Orange and he grew at a rapid rate. The incident made Kelly dependent on mandarin juice instead of H2O. This problem had an easy solution, moving to Capel where all the Mandarin Juice Kelly needed would be farmed by his family to help him survive.

It was not long before they discovered that not only did he grow faster than everyone - he had acquired super-smarts, super-strength and super-speed. Not wanting to turn him into a circus act, they enlisted him into the one sport in which noone cared about enough to notice - Hockey. Here is a picture of Kelly in training:

This allowed him to lead a near normal life, and he managed to conceal his secret identity by claiming he had never tried a mandarin before. While he was a social outcast at primary school, this was to change at BSHS. He met two talented friends in the Amazingly Talented People program, where they combined forces to form the supergroup known only as The Landa Boys.

He got sloppy however, when his desire to win got the better of him. Noone could beat him in any event under any conditions, and he won Champion Boy every year at school. He did have a kryptonite however: Alcohol. The effects varied, with super-sleepiness affecting his battle against Lizzie, and super-gayness caused him to try and woo Dingo, going way too far in gay chicken.

He did not always use his powers for good however - He used them to seduce the Sports Queen, Morgan, as well as using his Super-vision to aid him in 'copping an eyeful' of Vassy once he had dropped his ruler as a diversion. But his powers also got him into trouble - his super-loud-voice landed him in hot water with the Brazilian Chick. Twice.

Over his high school years, Kelly was noted for his awesome sporting ability, his Platform of Doom, and his unrelenting politeness. Today, Kelly is a leading Ronald McDonald stunt double and one of the greatest Hockey Players in the universe. He spends his time 'pretending' to be normal and drinking mandarin juice. Currently on holiday in New Zealand, he is truly missed by the Australian population, but not by the chair population, as they have been kick-free for a couple of weeks now.

Seperated at Birth?

I have scoured the earth to find the people that the boys in New Zealand were actually seperated at birth from. Here is the evidence:

Brock Monck and Dale Thomas are actually twins. To go with this photographic proof is the stark similarities between the pair. Both have poofterish tendencies to bleaching their hair, both have remarkable football ability and both support the wankiest AFL club there is - the Collingwood Magpies.


Jarryd Kelly and Borat are twin brothers, split apart by a terrible hospital mix-up. Along with the above evidence, there are undeniable facts which support this theory. Both have an unfounded shamelessness about their bodies, both own, and like to wear, G-Bangers, and both have weird homosexual characteristics.


Probably the greatest certainty of the lot is the shared blood of Kelly Duthie and Derek Zoolander. If the obvious proof above is not sufficient, consider these undeniable facts. They share a love for Male Modelling, both have a huge lack of modesty, and Kelly too, wants to be a merman. Kelly, like Zoolander, cannot go left but this tendency is only limited to basketball, which makes him so easy to read and hence steal off.

Im convinced these are real life tragedies, twin brothers separated at birth. If anyone has anymore evidence, or comments on the matter, feel free to leave them as it would help further this investigation and to reunite these lost brothers.

Mickies and Sickies

I was looking through my images the other day and i found this one that i had forgotten about. I took it at the McDonalds restaurant that Jarryd regularly goes to - coincidence? I think not.

Well Its pretty quiet in the T-Betta household ( for once). Sean is in Melbourne on a footy trip, Rohan is at the Grandies and Jacko is at Gay Boy Camp (Buzz camp for singing, dancing and acting). So we now only have 37 people living here. Haha.

I took a sickie today but not like Kelly frequently does (after one of his many nights out on the piss hooking up with random chicks), i am actually sick. My throat is sorer than Carlson's Girlfriend's face after Kelly dominated it with a volleyball. So yeah, pretty sore.

Anyway, not much to report seeing as i havnt been to training all week (due to sickness and work, its not like im just taking a holiday like some selfish bastards i know) so i have no new info. Its just me and the movies. Such as American Psycho, which just fucked with my mind. Its as confusing as Brock with braces.

Im off like an unfaithful man's wedding ring,

Alexxxox

Big Win

I am writing today in ecstasy after watching the colts boys get up over the Collie Smeagles yesterday. And it wasnt just a win, it was a 127 thrashing, almost west coast eagles-like.

It was the first time in a long time that the team has played like a team should, and it showed. Best players on the day were hard to separate, but heres my picks for the day;

Jimmy 'Mr 10' Caldow: played like a true champ at full forward, demanded the ball and got it. Kicked 10 of the best, and even (remarkably) passed one off.

Jacob 'Gorilla' Grylls: Not the biggest kid going around but played with a shit load of heart and courage. One of the best tacklers on the day, also impressed watchers with his ball carrying and the amount of play he set up.

Calum 'Cramps' McMulkin: For someone playing his 3rd or 4th AFL game ever, he played remarkably well. Had a huge amount of inside 50's and linked up well with the backline on his wing. Very ferocious in his tackling, Cal wasnt scared to get in there and get the footy.

Kelly 'Goalski' Duthie: Played only half a game because he was swapping off the bench with pagey, but dominated in the air and ground alike. His pace is unrivalled and kicked one of the goals of the day, a 55 metre set shot. Will be sorely missed.

Thomas 'Fucked-Up-Finger' McMulkin: The clearance king for the day, played one of his best for the year, but couldnt crack a spot in the awards, which shows how well everyone played. Always great to watch, worked extremely well with kelly in the clearances.

So all in all, a great day for the team, and club, as rezzies and league won theirs too. It topped off a great weekend, with Tina's birthday bash taking place on friday night, which the woman didnt feel too good after, did you Em?

Im also happy to report that the eagerly awaited return of yours truly is this weekend, so dont fret.

Im Off like bad milk,

Alexxx

And if you were wondering what the photo up the top is about, its Kelly going for one of his famous marking attempts. Peace